I’m inspired (and also baffled) by those who can find joy and beauty in everything. They appreciate everything that life throws at them, from bad weather to a promotion to weddings, to job loss to a major appliance exploding at the exact worst time and to the glass of the best wine they have ever tasted. They see all the good in the positive, and all the possible good in the negative.
Dreary, dull, rainy days (such as today), are not to be shunned…..it’s early spring, and really, the rain will help melt the last of the snow and prepare the ground for the green grass and flowers to come. The sunny days should not be wasted indoors, they should be enjoyed outside, breathing in the clean, muddy smelling air. A horrible cooking experiment can be laughed at later with those it was shared with. And new experiences with old and new friends are looked upon with fondness down the road.
I am not a pessimistic person for the most part. Oh sure, we all have our days, but I try (sometimes oh so very hard), to find the humour and joy in life. After all, you get to the point where if you don’t laugh about it? Well, you’ll just end up crying. Or throwing things. Or saying things you certainly don’t mean to someone you care about simply from the frustration of it all. But I am actively trying to be more like those people that find the joy. I envy them. And I truly believe that they are healthier, happier people overall.
I want to be able to look out the window at the rainy day and see what it will bring, not the grey, heavy sky and dullness that makes me not want to get out of bed. I want to approach new experiences with enthusiasm and confidence, not with the fear that I will make a fool of myself (however valid a fear that may be). I want to live life……..fully.
I fear now that I have missed or passed up opportunities because of the small(ish) amount of pessimism I hold, because of the fear of embarrassing myself (and we all know that no one is thinking about you as much as you think they are). I also fear that I am past the point of being able to BE one of those people. Is it possible to change your outlook in such a way so as to become more optimistic and joyful overall?
I think I need to start taking more chances and opportunities….and use that whole damn ‘feel the fear and do it anyways’ thing. Easier said than done….I know. But I also know that if I don’t take chances and opportunities that I will regret it……and I know that I don’t want regret in my life. Regret changes nothing. I want to be able to sometimes just take the vacation that I want without thinking about what else I could spend the money on. I want to take the rowing lessons, just to see if I like it. I want to make these changes now, so I don’t look back ten to fifteen years down the road and wonder WHY I didn’t do it now.
And I want to cook the delicious meal no matter how horribly it may turn out and dance like no one’s watching and go to concerts and buy fresh flowers and see the joy in the rain AND the sun. I’m trying so hard to do this now, more consciously, but man……some days. Today won’t be one of them.
