I don’t want him to know how badly I want the ring. The proposal, the engagement, the symbol, the promise. Despite his assertions that he wants to be married to me. Despite the fact that we have talked about it in the vaguest of terms. Despite that fact that I’m sure he knows that I want it. I don’t know that he knows how much I want it.
Do you watch The Office? If you don’t, you should. Anyway, Pam got the Dundie for the ‘longest engagement’. 3+ years, people. Now, I’m ok with a long-ish engagement, I don’t think 1-1.5 years is unreasonable, depending on when you get engaged vs. when you want to get married, and how elaborate the plans are. But 3 years is a bit much. So in these vague conversations and random comments, he has said that he would never make me wait that long after getting engaged. But….how long do I have to wait to get engaged in the first place?
We’ve been together for over 3 years now. I don’t doubt his love for me. I don’t doubt our relationship. I don’t doubt that we will be happy together for a long time. But I *want* the ring. Not just because I like shiny things (because I do). But because I want that extra promise. It doesn’t have to be huge or extravagant. I don’t think that the three months salary deal is realistic, especially now. But I want the ring, nonetheless.
Now admittedly, I probably haven’t been as……enthusiastic about the prospect as I could be. I don’t think he doubts my love for him either, but when he makes a comment, I don’t take it as far as I could, and have never outright asked him. And it’s all because of our pasts. We both had long-term relationships that were strictly ‘no marriage’. Not because we didn’t believe in it, but because we couldn't imagine being married to those other people. And I know that his ex had brought it up with him many, many times in their years together. And I do not want to do the same. So I downplay it. And maybe that’s the wrong thing to do.
I don’t want to pressure him. And I know we can’t afford to get married right now, and I know that even a ring may cost more than we can afford in the next little while. But that doesn’t change the fact that I want what I want, and every time an occasion rolls around that involves gifts…….I can’t help but get my hopes up just a little bit.
God knows we have enough stuff going on right now that this is not something that is high on the list of priorities……but…..I’m 30. And while that’s not old, I don’t want to be 40 before I get married. And I have some friends that have been married AND divorced by 30, which makes me ok with waiting….but I know that *we* are not *them*. I guess all I’m looking for is some sort of sign that this is on the horizon in the near-ish future. I don’t think that’s too much to ask…..is it??
I know that I’m not the only one who feels this way, having read about thisfish on iVillage having the same feelings, feelings she described so perfectly, so much better than I ever could that the whole time I was reading the post, I was nodding my head and thinking ‘thank god it’s NOT just me’. And reading the comments, where readers had felt the same way and lost their shit and it ruined the proposal for them because they had made a HUGE deal out of it and spoiled the pleasure they could have gotten from it. The joy of the moment. And I certainly don’t want THAT. She has since had a long conversation with her beau about how much it means to her and it is becoming a priority for them. And I’m happy for her, this blogger I do not know and will likely never meet. But I’m so damn happy for her. And jealous. But I’m not QUITE there yet, not quite ready to have that conversation. I can only hope (and I’m sure it will), that when I do get to that point, if it becomes necessary in order for me to NOT lose my shit, that the outcome will be just as positive.
For now, I will be content to not push it.
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