What's a girl to do?

I recently read an article that hit home with me at The Happiness Project (http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2009/11/fifteen-tips-to-avoid-nagging.html#disqus_thread). BTW – if you’re not reading this site yet – go now! While I’m by no means a ray of fucking sunshine on a daily basis, it does help remind me of the positive when I need it. And lately, holy crap, do I need it.

Anyhoodle…..the article talked about expectations, in general terms, such as the division of labour within a household, and how to avoid nagging. As this has recently been an issue in MY household, I was all ears. Erm…eyes. Well, you know what I mean. I’ve been struggling with this overwhelming sense of frustration, as C and I have discussed MANY times, I NEED him to help more. We’re in a period of limited ‘free’ time, and I don’t feel like I should be the only one spending all of my free time doing the things that need to be done. I’m tired of last minute changes in plan (nah, I don’t feel like going to the gym now, when, by the time he tells me this, I could have been there and worked out already, rather than waiting for him). I’m tired of not doing the things I want to do in favour of the things that need to be done, knowing that they won’t get done unless I do them. And I’m tired of having this discussion and him acknowledging the lack of balance and then….not doing anything about it.

So I was all set to read this article and find out how I could use some of the strategies to make them work. And then I read the comments. And y’all? I’m better off just doing it all myself. I have told him, flat-out ‘I need you to help more’. And he says ‘I know, and I will’. And then? Nothing. Unless I very specifically ask. Don’t get me wrong, he asks sometimes if there’s anything he can do, usually when he can tell that I’m pissed/frustrated/ready to throw my fist through the wall. To which I often have to reply ‘no’, because I’ve already done it! And in the back of my mind, I’m thinking ‘look around. Do the plants need to be watered/floors be swept and vacuumed/laundry done/dishes put away etc and so forth and so on. And yet…if I don’t tell him in no uncertain terms *exactly* what needs to be done? Forget it.

I know that he knows how to do these things (I have seen it happen!!). I just struggle with getting him to do it on a regular basis, without my prompting and asking. I need some consistency. Because one day of helping ain’t gonna cut it, sweetheart. Telling me that you appreciate everything that I do? Sweet, but UNHELPFUL. How do I fix this? Start only doing my own laundry, forcing him to help? Leave the bathroom he uses a mess, and start using the other one only myself, forcing him to clean it? Let all the plants die? What??? Please……give a girl some guidance.